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3.17.2009

Proofread- You'll be Glad You Did!

I got an email this morning and just had to share it with you all. I needed the laugh. Enjoy!!


Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2007 Release).

~The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

~The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

~Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

~Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

~The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

~Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

~Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

~Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

~For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

~Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

~The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'

~Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

~At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

~Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

~Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

~Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

~The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

~Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow.

~The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

~This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

~Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

~The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

~Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.

~The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

~Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.

~The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours' .


Have a blessed day! And, be sure to proofread your work, you'll be glad you did! :)

3 Lovely Thoughts Shared:

Kerry and Sam said...

I just found your blog and I must say that is hillarious. Thank you for sharing it. I had a nice laugh at it.

Blessings,
Kerry

Jennifer said...

Just too funny!! Just what I needed this evening - it was a long commute today!! Thanks!

DeeDee said...

tooo cute!

And in the days of "filling" in for the church secretary... I am sure that I contributed to the cause LOL

Thanks for the laughter today!
Sweet Blessings,
DeeDee